Spring is here and its time to get outside to smell the roses. I mean this figuratively — let’s appreciate what is often ignored as the analogy suggests — but I also mean this literally. Get out of your house and spend time outdoors. I promise you will feel better. Seriously, it is that simple. To someone who isn’t a mom, getting out of your house is so very basic. Don’t forget your pants, lace up your shoes, and you are good to go. With a baby in tow, it’s not such a simple task. Do you have the baby wipes, bug spray, sunscreen, sun hat, snacks, bottles, binky, teething toys, backup teething toys, wipes for the teething toys, blankets, spit-up cloths, bibs, Kleenex, boogie wipes, hand sanitizer, backup outfit, socks, oh and did I forget the diapers?! Sometimes, as mothers, we would rather raise the white flag, surrender, and stay inside.
Let’s just cozy up in our pajamas and call it a day. Seems much easier, doesn’t it? But even though it is easier, it isn’t healthier. Getting out of the house each day for some fresh air is imperative and that’s the hill I’m going to die on. This does not have to mean full elaborate outings to the local museum or a trip to Disneyland. Getting out of your house could be as simple as a walk to your mailbox. For each of you, different outings may make more sense for you and your baby. Outings could include a trip to the grocery store, a mommy-and-me workout class at your local gym, or even splashing around the puddles on your driveway. Heck, maybe for you it means loading your baby into the car and going through the Starbucks drive-thru for a matcha latte. No, I did not forget about those strict baby schedules we’re all slaves to — sticking to nap times, and bath times, and bedtimes — but I know you all have it in you to plan a little bit of ‘fresh air time’ into your day. Your soul will thank you, I guarantee it.
When I became a mother, a friend of mine told me that the more you practice getting out of the house with children, the easier it will become. She mentioned this to me after I had been late — more than once — to our scheduled plans and she could see how much getting out of the house was stressing me out. It unnerved me to the point that I preferred not to go out at all rather than miss a good chunk of our plans before we had to get back home for naptime. In the beginning, it felt as though every time I made the effort to get out of my house, something always seemed to happen: a last-minute poop explosion, a spur-of-the-moment feed, or I had forgotten the entire diaper bag at my front door. It seemed that no matter how much extra time I anticipated, I always needed more. Nonetheless, I will be the first to admit that she was bang-on with her advice because it did get easier. The more I pushed myself out of the house, the more of a routine it became.
I started practicing with plans that weren’t on a strict timeline. I would rehearse packing my diaper bag and loading my son into the stroller just to walk over to the local convenience store. I didn’t sign myself up for that 45-minute stroller-cize class ahead of time because I knew that there was a strong possibility of walking in 40 minutes late.
TRY THIS:
When learning how to get out of the house with your baby on time start with setting a goal for yourself. For example, “I want to get out of the house by 11 am today.” Practice with a plan that doesn’t have a specific start time, like a trip to HomeSense or the grocery store. Do this when your calendar is wide open and you have no responsibilities to anyone other than yourself and the schedule of your baby because, well, that is hard enough. Keep track of how much time it takes for you to pack the diaper bag, change your baby’s diaper, put your own pants on (don’t forget your pants!), probably change another diaper, and get out of the house. Continue to practice it again and again until you recognize, roughly, the amount of time it takes for you to get out of the house with a baby. Now, add an extra 15 minutes to your estimated time and use that as your baseline for any future plans. Creating that extra time in your day will give you a little sense of freedom, a lot more control over the busyness of your life, and will help getting out of your house feel like a manageable task!
I want to wrap this up with a story about a good friend of mine. She was someone who delivered her son only a few weeks after I had my first born, so I daydreamed about the maternity leave we would take together; play dates and park dates, swimming lessons with our boys… those two were going to be best friends. Soon, one month went by, and then another, and another, and I couldn’t seem to make plans that she would stick to. No matter what I suggested we do, she refused to join or would cancel on me last minute.
Finally, about six months later, she called me up and said that she and her son would be joining the mom and baby workout session at our local gym that my son and I attend. I was ecstatic and we ended up having the best time together. From that day forward, she had plans to get out of her house every single day. She would go swimming with her son, walk the path in our community, and even joined a stroller-cize class three times a week. I honestly couldn’t keep up!
One day over a cup of coffee, she opened up to me about her struggle with postpartum depression and explained why, for the first six months after having her son, she isolated herself. Between the overwhelming feeling of learning how to become a mom, the guilt she felt about her Caesarean section, and the NICU admission her son had at a mere two days old, she was overwhelmed so she hid from the world. The day that she called to join my son and me on our daily outing, she described it as an internal voice of reason telling her to persevere. When she finally forced herself out of her house, her life changed drastically.
Staying inside and away from others, just as my friend did, is considered a coping mechanism of our minds, though we may not even be cognizant of this. When we are feeling anxious or depressed, our minds tell our bodies that we are safest within our “box” and anything outside of these abstract boundaries of safety is full of the unknown. So, yes, the familiarity of our box is comforting. Being outside of our homes may mean that we are outside of our comfort zone — especially since we feel the need to protect our baby from all the bad in the world — making this exposure feel overwhelming.
What’s worse is the more we give in to this coping mechanism and only stay within these boundaries, the smaller our box becomes. You may start avoiding certain places (such as big, crowded malls or grocery stores) but this has the potential to lead to more places that become off-limits. Soon, something as simple as a visit to a friend’s house may be too much for you. The problem with avoidance is it never gives you the chance to challenge your thoughts. You may think, “the library is so dirty and crowded with people, my baby will get sick”, but what if you challenge those thoughts, go to the library and return home without your baby getting sick. It is only then you have proven the fallacy within your mind. We must interrupt those thoughts of fearfulness that may cause untruths to become our reality. If you never defy your feelings, then that’s the existence you have created and the truth that you live in.
I consider that girlfriend of mine an inspiration to all moms out there. Her determination to feel better for herself and her son allowed her to finally enjoy her transition into motherhood. She is one of the happiest, most energetic people I know and truly the best mother she can be to her son. And, if you don’t want to listen to me about the importance of getting out of your house, I hope her story will teach you the power of a little fresh air.
Sending so much love to all the new mamas out there,
Kristy Prodorutti BScN, MN, RN
p.s. I wrote a novel to share my professional maternity expertise and personal experience of transitioning into motherhood. The stories shared in these pages- sometimes funny, sometimes embarrassing but certainly heartwarming- shed light on what it takes to be supported and feel mentally healthy in that tough first year and beyond. "Grab the Broom, Not My Baby" is meant to encourage others to authentically share their journey, normalize the struggles and challenges of parenthood, and create resilient communities by uniting mothers everywhere.
